Craig Reviews The Watchmen

Alrighty be forewarned that this post contains words like sex, porn, schlong, etc. You haven been warned.

It's kind of hard to review or even talk about a movie like the Watchmen without defending the fact that you saw it in the first place. The debate has always gone on about should Christians see R rated movies. And that debate breaks into 50 million other debates (only look at things that at pure, garbage in garbage out, etc. etc.) Well this isn't the blog for that debate, maybe someday, but for now just accept that I love Jesus Christ with all my heart, mind, and soul. I also love the mediums of films, comic books, and their sometimes successful offspring. (The defense rests)

Watchmen is not one of those offspring.

The movie wasn't bad, don't get me wrong. But it also wasn't good. First of all you have to understand what the Watchmen is and what it was meant to be. The Watchmen was a graphic novel - not a comic book, in the literal sense. Yes it was released in comic book form, yes it is written and illustrated in comic book form, but it's not what you think of when you think comic book. Comic books are in the general public's mind short stories (usually in a long series) of non-normal people doing non-normal things. Whether that be aliens, super heroes, or robots - it's not meant to be real.

Watchmen is not about super heroes at all. In fact only one person has super powers. Everyone else is the novel are just normal people. Sure they dressed up in costumes and fought crime, but they were just average people. And that's the story of the Watchmen. It is one long dramatic narrative about these people, their messed up problems, and how they're all interwoven with one another.

There's really not much action in the comic, it's A LOT of storytelling. It's just done through the medium of comic books with the subject matter of a regular comic book.

NOW as for the movie. The movie is pure fan service to the graphic novel fans. If you've never read the novel before or have NO interest in a comic book movie without non-stop action, then please by all means AVOID THIS MOVIE. And more importantly, if you are none of the above, do not see this movie and the talk about why it sucked. Because frankly you have no idea what you're talking about.

This all said the movie was in no ways perfect or blew me out of my seat. To be quite honest it was simply the graphic novel completely acted out in real life almost frame for frame. EXCEPT for some stupid HOLLYWOOD trash. In the graphic novel MUCH is left to the imagination. Most of the sex and violence really isn't shown (the novel is no way "clean" it is very much R rated). The sex scenes in the novel involve a panel showing bodies together, maybe a naked butt, and if breasts are visible they don't take up the entire panel it's usually from the side. But not in the movie oh no - we are treated to full on porn scene for no reason whatsoever.

The novel leaves it to the imagination for the perverts out there. The novel pretty much says, "hey these people are getting it on...you know what happens when that goes on. We're not going to waste ink spelling it out for you...you get the idea". Without getting into another debate I would use the cliche "nudity/sex done in a artful way". Does that mean it's right in the comic or the movie? NO, but at least it wasn't gratuitous in the novel. Same could be said for some extra violence added into the movie that is NOT in the comic. It's all just there to titillate.

Which brings me to my biggest gripe of the move - THE PENIS. *gasp he said it*. OK - one of the characters in the novel is a walking atomic being who takes human form. He is shows fully frontal nude ONCE in the novel, ONE TIME. After that he is in a man thong or shown waist up. But in the movie - THE MAN IS ALWAYS NAKED. SCHLONG EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!! I don't know if it was to push the limit or what but it was pointless and took away from the movie.

*EDIT* Oh and I forgot to add - their Nixon was AWFUL. He looked nothing like the man! It was so lame it was distracting. But on the other hand their Henry Kissinger was pretty good.

Watchmen is the movie every feared the Dark Knight would be. Soooooo much hype and it would be awful. Fortunately for us the Dark Knight was awesome - for everyone, comic fans or not. Unfortunately, Watchmen is for the comic nerds and the comic nerds alone.

Feel free to tell me why I'm wrong now, or less of a Christian for seeing it. It's my blog so I can say what I want and delete comments that I don't want.

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH the power